


Batteries

by TrueCaesar



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Canon Compliant, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24788140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueCaesar/pseuds/TrueCaesar
Summary: Lea Dilallo left Hershey, Pennsylvania to return to San Jose, California when her dream career ended in disaster. Follow her as she struggles to come to terms with who she is, who she wants to be, and as she struggles to come to grips with rapidly evolving feelings of attachment to the most unique individual she has ever met.
Relationships: Lea Dilallo & Shaun Murphy, Lea Dilallo/Shaun Murphy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> My first foray into The Good Doctor fanfiction. I am an unapologetic advocate of Shaun and Lea's romance. So, there's that. However, there are only mentions of Shaun in this opening chapter. Three chapter have been written so far. Hope you enjoy!

“You’re a mess!” the man shouted venomously. “You’re unreliable, you’re always late, you always forget what’s important! When Rod died, he left this place to me; _me_ Lea! He didn’t give it to you because he _knew_ something like this would happen. But you don’t even care. You’d rather spend all your time flirting with customers than actually do the work-”

Lea Dilallo had heard enough. “ _Flirting_?” She stared down her brother with smoldering embers in her eyes, her cheeks flushed crimson, half with rage and half with a twinge of guilt. “Let’s get something straight, Donnie, I’m _friendly_ with people because I like people. Okay, I know you prefer to be work-work-work all day every day but some of us aren’t like that. Okay, we have _lives_ other than work! And yeah, I’m friendly to the guys that come in here. But you know what? I’m friendly to the women too! Am I flirting with _them_?”

She was working herself up into a volcanic frenzy. The top was about to blow, and she wouldn’t be able to stop it. She had never been able to control her temper very well; something a string of temporary boyfriends had been quick to point out whenever at a loss to defend their own shortcomings. The word ‘bitch’ was thrown around a lot, usually in connection with ‘tease’ and ‘slut.’ Because, of course, they were fine with her behavior when she invited them into her room but the moment, _the moment_ she called them out on something she became a slut. It was the inevitable pendulum swing of literally _every_ guy she had ever met.

Well, except for one very glaring exception.

She rounded on Donnie in a fury.

“So, great job at slut-shaming your sister because you think friendliness is the same as being a flirt! And you know what? Maybe I _am_ a flirt sometimes; yeah, maybe I am! Maybe I do put myself out there, _hoping_ that I’ll find someone worthwhile. But instead of being, like, an _actual_ big brother and either trying to help me, or god forbid, maybe even _understand_ me, you think it’s best to slut-shame your baby sister-”

“Oh, give me a break Lea!” said Donnie. “Nobody’s _slut-shaming_ you. God, it’s always drama with you isn’t it? Again, this is exactly why you didn’t get the shop. You can’t commit to anything!” He gestured wildly, looking at Lea with exasperation.

“You call me up from San Francisco-”

“San Jose, ass!”

“Yeah, whatever. You call me up telling me you quit your job and want to work at the shop. Never mind actually giving me a heads up. Never mind _asking_ me for a job. You just quit with no notice and tell me you’re coming back to Hershey to work with me. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Say no while you were out of work?” Donnie shook his head in disgust.

“So, I gave you a chance. I thought that maybe, after so many years away, that you finally matured. I should have realized from the beginning that you were the same as always, from the very first phone call I should have seen it. But I let my heart get in the way of good decision making because you’re my sister. And now what?” He looked at her with watery eyes, as if struggling to give voice to the turmoil of emotions inside.

“The shop’s gone. Our grandfather’s legacy is in ashes because _you_ haven’t learned to grow up.”

Lea swallowed hard, stomach twisting at the bitter pill. As much as she hated what her brother weas saying, she realized, deep down, that there was truth there. Truth she hadn’t wanted to admit; that she had tried to avoid.

_I should never have left San Jose_ , she thought in defeat. In San Jose at least she had a steady job, made decent money. She may have been bored but, there, with no one to rely on but herself, at least she proved her brother’s accusations wrong. Her eyes became glassy as she struggled to hold back a torrent of emotions. _Hershey, San Jose…it’s all the same…I lose everywhere._

Lea looked down, biting her lip, wrestling with indecision. She couldn’t stay here. Donnie was right. The shop _was_ gone. Everything Grandpa Rod had spent his whole life building was destroyed. She couldn’t stay and face her family. She had no friends here. Nothing to hold her back.

She had to leave.

“Yeah, well, you can just wash your hands of me, ‘mkay? Because I’m leaving.”

Donnie Dilallo rolled his eyes. “Leaving? Where, Lea? You’ve got no place to go!”

Lea smirked through her tears, confident that this one final barb was not true.

“Actually, I _do_ have somewhere to go.” She was already imagining the look on his face when she showed up at his doorstep.

“I’m moving back to San Jose. I’ll say goodbye to mom and dad and then I’m hitting the road. Then you’ll finally be free of me.”

Her brother, so very like Lea in looks, stared at her blankly. “What do you have back in San Jose? You’ve got no house, no apartment, no job, no friends…. What are you gonna do, live in a hotel?”  
Lea ran a hand through her hair and almost laughed. Shaun would never let her live in a hotel.

“I’ve got savings,” she said confidently. “And you know what? I actually _do_ have a friend. He’s a doctor. A surgeon actually. Literally a genius. I think it’s past time I paid him a visit.”

Donnie laughed sarcastically. “I don’t think some doctor you slept with once counts as a friend, Lea. God, if you’re gonna screw some guy for a place to stay just do the hotel then. Or stay with mom and dad until-”

Lea stepped forward and grabbed the front of her brother’s shirt, pulling him in close. Her face was etched with hurt and rage. “If you _ever_ say anything like that about Shaun again, I will never _ever_ speak to you. Ever. Shaun is my friend. Probably the most genuine friend I’ve ever had. And you know what? All those things you _don’t_ do for me, like help me or understand me? Shaun does those things and he _means_ them.

“And you want to know how easy it is, Donnie, how so damn _simple_ it is to show that you care? Hmm? Shaun is _autistic_. And he gets it. You have less emotional range than a person with autism. Have a nice life.”

Lea released her brother and stormed out, burning rubber in the Striped Tomato on her way. She allowed herself to cry in the car. All the emotions she’d fought to suppress came tumbling out in ugly tears that made her question everything about herself.

Because secretly, privately, in the darkest depths of her mind…Lea knew that despite the hurtfulness of her brother’s accusations and the tactless way he expressed them, there was truth to what he said. All her life she had been running aimlessly in the intangible pursuit of happiness. Every night out, every party, every ill-advised five-minute boyfriend….it was all in the quest for happiness. For fulfillment.  
But the truth was, it was all empty. The only actual fulfillment she’d ever felt that made her feel like a whole person and not some fraud, were days she spent with Shaun Murphy. Days where she learned more about humanity and what it means to _care_ than any other experience she had ever had.

And it was that thought and the look of joy her friend had on his face in her imagination that sustained her through an evening spent packing her life away once more.


	2. Depth

She was passing through Wyoming when it occurred to her that this was where Shaun had grown up. Well, not _here_ exactly. Shaun had told her that he was originally from _Casper_ , Wyoming. She was currently just outside of Cheyanne, hundreds of miles to the south. Still, just the fact that she was experiencing a part of Shaun’s world made her feel a little bit of happiness and a comfortable warmth that felt nice. For that reason, Lea, ever the one to follow her impulses, decided to detour off of the interstate network she had been following for the past few days to take a closer look at the state her friend had once called home.

_This is very different from California._ Lea sometimes wondered why Shaun bothered with the fast-paced hustle and bustle of city life. It certainly didn’t seem to suit him at first glance. Things in the big city were so chaotic and unpredictable, and Shaun’s needs were so…opposite. In fact, in her private musings she sometimes pictured her friend as far away from San Jose as possible, in a quiet little town where he could practice medicine peacefully, where all his patients would be his friends and people he knew. Then, after a long day spent helping people feel better, he would drive home to his quiet, peaceful house at the edge of woods where he would eat a nice, comforting meal and quietly read before drifting off to sleep.

Those were the things her Shaun seemed to enjoy. She smiled to herself at the mental image of Shaun driving to and from work each day, knowing that it had been her actions that had even made the idea of Shaun being able to drive a possibility. There was so much that man was capable of that he didn’t even realize.

Shaun had been on her mind a lot these last few days. Ever since the blowup with Donnie, Lea had been resolute in her determination to go back to comforting territory where her friend didn’t judge her or get angry at her for being so messed up. It had occurred to her during her long hours of solitude on the road that Shaun Murphy was really the only friend she had. She’d had friends in her youth, of course. Like with most attractive girls, people had flocked to her at school. But as she had grown into her personality, it seemed that Lea had burned more bridges than built them.

The accusations of being a flirt had followed her around for quite some time, driving away the more fair-weather friends she once had. Some of the more dependable ones stuck around a bit longer, though most of high school, until their own relationships and plans for college and careers took them away to far flung places out of Lea’s orbit. People she drank with and went clubbing with, she acknowledged painfully, weren’t really her friends. They had never really shown much interest in Lea or her passions beyond the shared experience of loud music and cheap booze. The few times she had tried to open up and reveal some of her layers she’d been met with blank stares and amused chuckles.

She sometimes wondered if this was just how adulthood was supposed to be. After all, the people she worked with didn’t seem interested in much except money and status. The guys she dated weren’t interested in too much else but sex and having a good time. _Depth_ , she’d found, was a sorely lacking adult quality.

Shaun Murphy had changed all of that in a hurry.

A chance encounter, a _battery failure_ , of all things, had brought their two alien lives together. Lea didn’t like to think what might have happened, what might _not_ have happened, had her batteries never died that day. He had been so shy and awkward that first meeting, it was almost unbearably cute. Then he’d asked her to give the batteries _back_ ; who does that? It was clear to Lea that Mr. Murphy had some kind of tick; something that placed him just slightly out of step with the rest of the world. Autism, perhaps.

And as it turned out, autism had been exactly right. But her quirky neighbor seemed nice enough. Polite and well-mannered. A little awkward, sure, but otherwise just a normal guy with some personality quirks. And he was a _doctor_. And not just any doctor, but a _surgeon_! Like, seriously! You don’t get to be a surgeon without being _seriously_ smart and wickedly talented. What did any of his quirks matter if he was capable enough to land a surgery residency in one of the most competitive markets in the country?

As she took in the sights from behind the wheel of her Gran Torino, Lea couldn’t help but think about Shaun’s life before she’d met him, and what had happened to such a mild mannered person with such extraordinary gifts that his only friends outside of work were a fifty-something (sixty-something?) neurosurgeon and, well…. _her_.

She knew that his childhood hadn’t been easy. Kids could be cruel, she knew that from personal experience, and for a person like Shaun, who needed his life to be kept in such a delicate balance, his trials were likely more intense than most. He had told her once that his father had been mean and had killed his pet rabbit. To Lea, that was beyond mean; it was downright abusive. She couldn’t imagine what she would have done if her father had regularly mistreated her, to the point of murdering a defenseless pet. Apparently, Shaun had idolized his brother Steve, despite Shaun being the elder brother. But even that relationship was cruelly taken from him when Steve fell to his death not too long after the rabbit incident.

Life could be so unfathomably cruel sometimes. That Shaun Murphy had so often been its victim rankled Lea’s sense of justice. Fortunately, Glassy had been there to take Shaun in. Though she often disagreed with the grouchy old man, she was grateful for the care he had exercised toward her friend. Without Glassy, Shaun might never have come to San Jose and he and Lea would have never met. And _that_ was a disquieting thought. She was a better person for having known Shaun.

Lea pulled into a nearby gas station to fill up. She didn’t actually need gas; she was still at a little over a quarter tank. But she thought it best to fill up now while she was already off the highway. Once she got back on, she wouldn’t be taking any more meandering strolls until she reached her destination.

At the pump, she saw a young man open the passenger’s side door of his truck for a pretty young woman who was clearly pregnant. He gingerly helped her into her seat and closed the door for her, placing a kiss on her forehead as he did so. Lea couldn’t help but smile at such a simple, yet selfless, display of love. They were going to be a very happy family someday soon.

_Some girls just have all the luck_ , she thought, somewhat wistful.

She smiled and her thoughts returned to her plan… Such as it was.

She was telling the truth during her argument with Donnie. She genuinely believed that Shaun would take her in; at least for a few days. But probably for as long as she needed. Shaun worked long hours at the hospital so she was sure her presence wouldn’t be too much of a burden. She didn’t _want_ to be a burden to Shaun. But it was also true that he _was_ the only friend she had and, if by some chance he refused to let her crash at his place then she _would_ have to crash at a hotel…and that could get expensive.

It occurred to Lea that it might actually be a good idea to call ahead to at least give Shaun some kind of warning that she was on her way. That would be the sensible thing to do, of course. But when she thought about the surprise her friend would surely have if she kept her coming a secret, it was just too good an opportunity to pass up. One thing she gave herself credit for was helping Shaun to loosen up a bit and be more spontaneous. Her surprise return would just be a continuation of that.

Besides, she had a hunch that Shaun would be so happy to see her again that any slight inconvenience her return might cause him would be overshadowed by his joy. He hadn’t wanted her to leave San Jose anyway. Hell, he’d even tried to transfer his residency to Penn State just to be close to her! A small of Lea felt a little bit guilty thinking of it. She wasn’t blind or stupid. She was fairly sure that Shaun was infatuated with her, at least a little bit. Lea acknowledged that she may be to blame for that. After all, she _had_ kissed him, not once, but twice. They had been sweet kisses. Nothing passionate or sexual. The thought of Dr. Shaun Murphy as a sexual being was…not something Lea felt comfortable with.

Still, it occurred to her after the fact, after a few hours out on the open road, that maybe her flirtatiousness had been a bit ill advised. Shaun, for all of his genius, had no experience with women. He may have read more into those kisses than what Lea had intended.

But, really, what _had_ she intended?

_“Can I put my arms around you?”_ she remembered asking.

The mere fact that Shaun had allowed such contact was testament to the easiness of their relationship. Touch was not an easy thing for someone like Shaun, she knew. She felt grateful for his trust.

_“Are you a good doctor? Because when I think of you…I think you are.”_

Why do you kiss a person goodbye? Is it a sign of friendship? Affection? A kiss on the cheek perhaps, or possibly the forehead. But a kiss on the lips…what _had_ she been thinking. Lea’s cheeks turned pink as she struggled with what has been going on in her mind the day she had left for Hershey.

_A part of me wanted to know. To know what it felt like to kiss him without alcohol; without the specter of him about to vomit. I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss the real Shaun Murphy._

It was an admission that made Lea Dilallo feel profoundly uncomfortable. What did such a thing say about her? Did she really believe she could kiss such an innocent, sweet man on the lips twice and not have him read into it? Was she really _that_ selfish that her curiosity meant more to her than a good-hearted man’s feelings?

Lea roused herself from her thoughts to put the fuel pump back in place and kick the gar into gear again. She pulled out of the service station intent on the nearest diner.

She had an appetite for a stack of pancakes.


	3. Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A word of explanation. Much of this chapter rehashes canon...since this is a canon-compliant story, that will happen from time to time. The first two chapters took place prior to Lea's reintroduction in season 2, so they were unique scenes that had ever been seen before. There will be more of those to come. This chapter contains much dialogue from the show but, as usual, from Lea's perspective.

She had known it would be emotional. She just hadn’t expected it to feel quite like _this._

“I would look at that baseball and I would think of you. The baseball was here, but you weren’t.”

She listened to him talk, the first time he had said more than a few words to her since her return. Hell, the first time she had actually _seen_ him in days, save for her embarrassing attempt to meet him for lunch the day before. Now that he was expressing himself, telling her “the truth” as he said, Lea felt her facial muscles involuntarily flex into an affectionate posture.

“That’s sweet,” she said softly, with a little shake of her head.

“No!” came the surprisingly forceful rebuttal. “It isn’t…it _hurt._ You hurt me.”

She sensed a potential problem and tried to maneuver the conversation back into her court. “Okay, Shaun…” she said in a placating voice. “You know”-

“You went away, and it _hurt,_ and it kept hurting and now you’re back.”

_Oh no_. She was seeing him clearly now. And hearing him. She had never heard his voice laced with so much emotion before. _I should have called. I should have warned him. I should have asked…oh no._

Shaun continued going, his feelings finally being given room to breathe as he let them out of their tightly controlled environment. “ _If_ you stay, you _will_ go away again, and _it will_ hurt again. So, I want you to go back to Hershey.”

Lea felt her heart drop somewhere down low; somewhere deep within the intestines where only the most devastating of emotions found purchase. _He’s hurting. He doesn’t know how to deal with hurt so he’s lashing out. It’ll be okay…_

“I know you don’t mean that,” she said tremulously, “and I know you-”

But Shaun wouldn’t allow her to speak.

“ _Please_ …Go back to Hershey, or anywhere other than here!” His words were clear, loud, and forceful. Shaun Murphy spoke in a tone that brooked no argument. Again, something she had never heard from him before. With those words as his grim final token, Shaun hurriedly grabbed his things and stormed out of the apartment, leaving Lea alone to deal with the aftermath.

And for the first time in her life, Lea found herself looking at the space Shaun Murphy had just occupied with an angry set to her jaw, her bitter feelings now divided between her disaster in Hershey and the disaster that had just befallen her. Tears welled up, unshed, and she looked down at the breakfast Shaun had prepared for her.

“Good morning to you too,” Lea whispered.

She had known it would be emotional. She just hadn’t expected it to feel _quite_ like this.

* * *

“Aren’t you going to say hello?” Lea asked with a playful smile.

“Hello,” Shaun had said in an almost mechanical response. Call her selfish, but after nearly a week spent on the road Lea had been hoping for something a little _more_ from her friend.

Shaun made his way slowly to his door, walking as if unsure where each new step would take him.

“What are you doing here? You are supposed to be in Hershey. That’s where you live now.”

Lea shook her head and bit her bottom lip to hold back the bitterness she was still feeling about her failed Hershey homecoming. Instead, she looked up at Shaun and searched his face to try and get a read on what he was feeling. It was as difficult as usual.

“Hershey was a bust,” she said smoothly. “ _So_ ,” she inflected the word with her usual exaggeration of sound, something of a trademark where her speech was concerned. “I thought, ‘What better time to stop in and see my good friend _Doctor_ Shaun Murphy, right?’ I’m moving back, Shaun. And I was hoping you might let me stay with you for a little while?”

She trailed off uncertainly. Her surprise return wasn’t exactly garnering the euphoria she had expected. Some of the wind felt like it was coming out of her sails.

Shaun merely stood there in silence, considering her. Lea had forgotten how awkward the silences could sometimes be. In her months away she had focused only on the positive memories she’d had, conveniently forgetting the mechanics of Shaun’s autism.

“Am I allowed to hug you?” She smiled at him and shifted on her feet. “It’s been a long few months, and a long week driving here and I could really use a hug right now.”

Shaun looked back at her for a brief moment before his eyes started hovering over different points around her. He looked like he was trying to decide something.

“Okay,” was his only response.

Lea made a satisfied noise somewhere between a squeak and a squeal and flung her arms around him a little too quickly. “Okay, Okay!” Shaun said uncomfortably.

“Mmm, I’m sorry Shaun, but I missed you a lot. I’ve been waiting to do this since the day I left.” As she squeezed him, her memory brought her back to the first time she had hugged him, just a few feet away from here, in front of her old apartment.

_“I made a mistake today…And someone got hurt.”_

_It had been a simple enough sentence, but one that even a normal person might have trouble voicing. For someone like Shaun, someone who did not trust easily nor form emotional connections quickly, it was almost as though he were baring his soul to her. She had looked at him in surprise before her features melted into a face full of sympathy. It only took a moment, the barest moment of indecision before she had decided to go for it. She sent a searching look his way and slowly moved closer, wrapping her arms gently around his middle._

_She knew it was a gamble. Shaun wasn’t fond of touch and Lea was still almost a stranger to him. But he had just committed to an even bigger gamble. He had taken the chance to reveal himself to her. For a man with Shaun’s condition, it was the highest form of trust._

_So, she did not ask. She did not hesitate. Once the decision was made, she did not waste time. She gathered him into her arms and simply held him._

_And through his discomfort, Shaun Murphy allowed himself to be held._

Feet away, now in front of _Shaun’s_ apartment rather than hers, Lea released him from her grip and gestured to her bags. “So…what do you say? Can I stay with you until I find my own place?”

Shaun hesitated, looking uncomfortable. Lea was all of a sudden unsure. Had she overestimated her friendship with him?

“You need a place to stay until you can find an apartment,” he said suddenly. “I don’t have a spare bedroom or a spare bed. I don’t even have one bedroom. You would have to sleep on the floor.”

Lea smiled in relief. _You scared me for a minute there._ “That’s totally okay, I have an air mattress and I can _totally_ rough it with you on the floor. Thank you so much, Shaun! You’ve just made, like, my entire month.”

She had known it would be emotional. She just hadn’t expected it to feel quite like this.

* * *

By now whatever sympathy she had felt for Shaun and the predicament her departure had placed him in had long since faded to outrage and a deep, gnawing sense of hurt that felt more uncomfortable than even her Hershey failures. At least in Hershey she had _known_ that things might get volatile at some point. It _was_ her family, after all.

But after Donnie’s dressing down he gave her and the own bitter taste of her shattered dreams, to have the one person she thought she could rely on be so hurtful to her was too much to swallow. She’d tried reaching out to him, after giving him some time to cool off. Lea understood that Shaun wasn’t like other men and that he dealt with hurt feelings and loss differently. She was sympathetic to that. She realized now that it had been stupid of her, and incredibly selfish and shortsighted, to think that she could just waltz back into his life without so much as a head’s up. Uncomfortably, she realized that not giving Shaun any notice about what to expect was exactly what her brother had accused her of doing to him.

She had been willing to apologize to him, to own her mistake. Shaun deserved that. But he needed to hear, too, her own side of the story. It was only fair. Two people hearing each other out, that’s what ay relationship was about, whether friends or lovers. She hadn’t been a good friend to Shaun this time. But he needed to listen too if he cared about being a good friend to her.

Evidently, he did not.

All of her calls, all of her texts, went unanswered and fell on deaf ears. The first time she had assumed he was busy at work, saving somebody’s life. But after her fifth attempt to reach him it was clear that he was avoiding her. It was incredibly immature, and not something Lea was willing to let him get away with, autism or not.

Because what hurt the most out of all of it was not just that Shaun Murphy got emotional and didn’t mean what he had said. It had long since been established that Shaun did not hide what he felt. He was honest, sometimes brutally so; it was that same honesty and lack of pretense that had attracted Lea to his friendship in the first place. What hurt the most was that the man she had spent so much of her time away thinking about, even _praying_ about in her own way, had said _exactly_ what he felt to her.

He wanted her gone. And he didn’t even care to hear about why she was back.

Hours later, Lea found herself sitting on a cold bench outside of St. Bonaventure Hospital, waiting for Shaun’s shift to end. She was unsure of _why_ she felt the need to come all the way here. Shaun was getting off relatively early compared to some of his usual shifts…she could easily wait for him at home. But _home_ was his turf. His home was not her home. By coming to him here, she forced the confrontation to play out on her terms.

And so she waited, her mind repeatedly shuffling through various things she might say to try and make things right. To hopefully make him see that she needed his help. That it wasn’t always about what Shaun was feeling. That she had feelings and needs too.

It was full dark when Shaun finally emerged into the cool evening air.

“You’re here,” he said calmly.

_Well that’s a different tone than earlier._ “Yeah, I am,” she said with an edge to her voice. She kept her arms folded and glared up at him, watching him pace indecisively for a few moments before sitting down next to her. He slid a little closer, prompting Lea to shake her ankle in nervous agitation.

“I shouldn’t have told you to go away,” said Shaun with his usual bluntness.

Before he’s so much as said another word, she felt her muscles begin to relax. He was apologizing. It was all she had wanted from him and she hadn’t even said a word except to confirm her presence.

“It wasn’t very nice,” he continued, “and you’ve always been nice to me.”

_Damn right I have._ Her sudden relaxation irritated her, as did Shaun’s apology. It didn’t feel right. Why should he be allowed to ignore her for how many days before blowing up at her, ignore her attempts to contact him, and then expect he can just calmly apologize and have everything be okay. Why wasn’t he feeling her _pain?_

“You’ve been a good friend,” Shaun said. “If you want to talk, I _will_ listen.”

Lea wrestled with her emotions, torn between forgiveness and her desire to release her emotions on him the way he had on her. Somehow, hearing Shaun calmly state how he was wrong and how good a friend she had been to him only made her resentment sting even worse.

“You’re right…I _have_ been a good friend,” she said sweetly. “Actually, I have been an _awesome_ friend, but you have been a _total jerk._ ”

Shaun had been happily nodding his agreement until that last line when he suddenly stopped and became very still, a look of disquiet on his face.

_Do I have your attention now?_ Lea thought vengefully.

“You were so worried about me hurting you, what about how you hurt _me?_ What, you think you’re the only one who has feelings? You- you think you’re the only one who needs someone who doesn’t judge them, doesn’t make them feel totally alone like there’s not _one_ person in the world who actually gives a damn about them?”

All of the hurt and animosity she had been feeling against Shaun all day was spilling out. But it ran deeper even than that. It was everything. Everything she had felt about herself, about how she failed to connect with others was tumbling up towards the surface and spilling out in molten streams of frustration that only had a little to do with Shaun himself and much more to do with how Shaun’s actions had reinforced her own negative views about herself and her failed relationships that had accumulated over _years_.

Oh, and she _was_ pissed about his unfair treatment. _I thought you were different, Shaun. But you’re just as selfish as everyone else._

“Okay,” Shaun said, twisting uncomfortably in his seat. “I’m sorry-”

“No, you’re not!” Lea cried, “you’re just uncomfortable and you’re trying to get me to shut up, which, don’t worry, I will, just as soon as I finish telling you that _friendship_ is a two-way street Shaun; a _two-way street_ , _you jackass!_ ”

She stormed away, leaving a very confused and very aching Dr. Murphy seated on a very cold bench.

* * *

“Hershey meant everything to me, Shaun. I took the _biggest_ chance of my life going back there and then it just…then it just went away!” Her voice was filled with raw emotion she had never allowed herself to voice in front of him before. Her anger and hurt were rekindled anew amid the flashing lights of Shaun’s foolish karaoke setup.

_I went big? You have no idea what going big means!_

“But I _knew_ I could come back here to get the support of my friend, who was so different because he was so open and nice and honest…” She was almost in tears now. Every bad thing she had thought about Shaun in recent days were nothing when she remembered how wonderful he _could_ be…and that knowledge hurt even worse because it meant that everything she had been hoping to come back to in San Jose had been as a big a mirage as what she had tried to create in Hershey.

“But you gave me nothing,” she said coldly. “I mean, you never even asked me _once_ what happened in Hershey. You just…You just didn’t care.”

Shaun looked away, an unusual expression of shame marring his boyish features. Lea shook her head in defeated frustration and simply walked away.

* * *

“Thank you…for letting me crash,” said Lea in an attempt at civility. The past day or so had been difficult. With everything she’d said to Shaun hanging between them and Shaun’s awkward attempts at diffusing the situation only making her even more frustrated, she had debated whether or not she should just leave the apartment before Shaun came home. He would probably be hurt if she left without saying goodbye but maybe he deserved to hurt a little.

But Lea wouldn’t allow herself to be controlled by her uncharitable side. Whatever his flaws and whatever her feelings, Shaun had given her a place to stay. And awkward and misguided as his attempts at peace were, it showed that he at least cared. A little. She wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

“Yes,” said Shaun nervously. “You…rented an apartment?”

Lea looked away in embarrassment. “No. Um…I’m gonna get an Air B&B.” She looked at him, giving him an opportunity to say something…anything.

But Shaun was silent, removing his jacket with no response. Lea sighed, not knowing if Shaun was even capable of the type of sympathy that she needed.

“Alright,” she said dismissively, brushing past him to get the hell out of his apartment as soon as she could. It hurt. Months spent thinking only the best of this man…the hope for encouragement she’d held out for as she drove cross-country to see him again…the hope that she had finally managed to make a true friend…and he couldn’t even say anything to her as she was walking away.

“What happened in Hershey?” he asked suddenly.

A spark flickered inside her at that one simple question. She turned around and looked at him hopefully. “Do you care?”

Shaun exhaled loudly, gesturing with his hands. “I tried to…be nice. And I tried to go big. And I don’t want to walk away and _everyone likes donuts_ ,” he said a little loudly. “And I don’t know how to answer that.”

“Just be honest,” Lea implored him, trying to reach the Shaun Murphy from better times.

Shaun turned to look at her with such an earnest expression on his face. “I don’t care what happened in Hershey.”

Lea closed her eyes. _Brutal as always_.

“But I care that you care.”

_He doesn’t care…but he does._ How does that even make sense. She considered him for a long moment, wondering how to reply to that.

Her first thought was that everything she believed about their friendship was just a mirage. That Shaun was more selfish than even she was. _I don’t care what happened in Hershey._ The most humiliating experience of my life and he just doesn’t care…

_But I care that you care._ But he _did_ care about _her._ And in that moment, as she considered the type of person Shaun was, all of his limitations as well as extraordinary talents, Lea experienced a moment of clarity. A moment where she understood Shaun better than she ever had before.

_What happened in Hershey is irrelevant to him…he has no connection to it. All he cares about is me. He cares that it’s important to me._

And that, she realized, was the crux of what it meant to be friends with Shaun Murphy. He doesn’t care about the things that other people care about. But he _does_ care about people. _He cares about me_.

“You wanna…try that song again?” she asked nervously.

“Oh! Yes!” Shaun exclaimed.

She couldn’t help but smile. “Mm…okay,” she said with a smile as she put her bag down and Shaun leapt up.

“Okay,” said softly, covering her face with her hands to quickly brush away any tears that might have fallen.

The remote clicked and the flashing lights returned as two voices, male and female, joined together.

_Tender love is blind, it requires a dedication_

_All this love we feel_

“I went bigger!” Shaun said excitedly. Lea smiled fondly.

_We ride it together, Uh-huh_

“I rented that apartment you liked for us to share,” Shaun offered incidentally.

_Wait, what?_ Lea turned back as Shaun began jumping up and down, the karaoke monster Lea had created on a fateful road trip many months ago.

_Islands in the stream, that is what we are_

_No one in between, how can we be wrong_

She had known it would be emotional. She just hadn’t expected it to feel quite like _this._

_Oh shit._


End file.
